Pen and Ink Confessions

My wotf entry, Ambition's Brother, was an honorable mention in the contest. I confess to being a little puzzled, as I know this story is better than my last, which made semi-finalist. I wonder if something in it just didn't jell for Joni...but there's no way I can know.

On the positive side, I already have an editor lined up at a pro magazine who has expressed interest in the story, so I'll be sending it out asap and crossing my fingers on that front. Wish me luck!

I've been accepted! Hooray! I had a hard time with the decision to go, mostly because of family and life commitments, but now I'm really excited. It'll be great to put my writing on the front burner and turn the heat to 'high'.

I'm also excited to meet my fellow bootcampers--that's half the fun, right?

But the million dollar question is--will OSC mind if my son (and one of his friends) send along a book or two to be autographed. I'm thinking that the boys will slip them in my suitcae regardless, so I'll probably just see how the week progresses. Then again, it might be better if I don't come home at all than face the boys with un-signed books!

Okay, so maybe not. But since I'm feeling chicken, and have our new chicks on the brain, I thought it could count.

Today I mailed a submission to F&SF. This isn't the first I've subbed that mag, but it is the first for quite some time. I've had a long spell without any acceptances, and I find myself rejecting stories on behalf of the editors before I even submit them. Worse, I've got a growing number that are just getting dumped in the trunk.

That might be fine for those stories that really need to be retired, but I have several that actually just need a little faith and persistance. So, why not shoot the moon and send one to F&SF?

In a similar vein, today I sent my application to Orson Scott Card's bootcamp. While applying to get in doesn't feel as foolhardy as subbing the pros, blogging about it is! So I share this with you with a sense of daring and bravado--you can all laugh with me in a week or two or three if this effort also dives into the dust. Here's to laughs!

I sent off Ambition's Brother almost a week ago, and since I'm sitting in a hotel in Atlanta and contemplating all things writing, that calls for a post.

A couple quarters ago I decided that I was finished with WOTF. I discussed that somewhere on my regurlar blog, www.suannewarr.com, so I won't go into it now, but obviously I've recanted that decision. At least temporarily. This story insisted on being written and wanted to go to WOTF, and I'm sure I'll enter again if another story proves as obnoxiously determined as this one.

But at least, if I have to enter again, I've learned the trick to sending off the story with a peaceful feeling. The trick is to really know I'm finished before the story leaves.

See, in the past, when I've submitted a story it was because I was emotionally or intellectually finished with the story. I was done. I'd gone critique rounds, edited it 'til I hated it, and given it everything I had. So I sent it off.

But that didn't mean the story was finished, or that I knew in my innermost writing soul that I'd done everything for this story I was capable of doing. Maybe I'd done everything I could up to the really tough stuff, or until I couldn't figure out how to fix it anymore, or until I couldn't keep my eyes from crossing when I looked at it. But that's not the same as finding those weakness in the story, facing the niggling doubts that whispered how this or that plot point or character trait wasn't consistant, and then fixing them.

With Ambition's Brother, I took as many days and weeks as neccessary to make sure I'd done every single thing I could do for this story. I didn't gloss over a single hesitation or nagging flaw. Does that mean the story's perfect? Heck, no! But it does mean that I've fixed anything I was capable of seeing as wrong in the story. It is truly the best story I have the ability to write at my present skill level.

And that gives me peace as I send it off. I'm able to wish it luck without worrying over its reception, and move on to the next project comfortable in the knowledge that I did all I could. It's a nice feeling.

It's always nice when I get a rejection letter and feel cheered. Now, there are several routes to this cheery post-rejection sentiment, and they don't amount to the same thing.

Theres the grinning with the teeth bared 'I didn't think you deserved my story anyway' that doesn't even fool the writer. There's the 'Finally, just to hear anything on the writing front will make me smile'. And let's not forget the tearfully smiling 'I'm glad I could go through this rejection so I could learn and (sob!) stretch as a writer'.

But what I'm talking about is the honest to goodness glow that can accompany a genuine smile on my face as I read a rejection letter. This happened today--proably having something to do with Friday the 13th karma. The reason was that the rejection letter was a personal one, and expressed honest regret at passing on the story. They editor felt the story couldn't hold itself together, but walked away impressed with the writing.

Now, maybe it's just me, but I'm always thrilled to find what it is, exactly, that isn't working in a particular story, especially if it was written some time ago and has gone around the block too many times. And if that feedback is followed up by an indication that one of those cold-blooded creatures we call editors also likes my writing? Well, I'm going to walk away grinning.

You know what they tell you when a horse bucks you off, right? Well, I'm applying it to submitting, too. I recently (last 3-6 months) got lazy about submitting...or at least, so I thought. Then I realized that more of it was rejection weariness, and less laziness.

Sure, I've had things to keep me busy. Plenty. But I've been just as busy in the past and still kept up my submissions. This time, I've had some publications and maybe I'm not as hungry as I was. Plus, I can see that many of my stories need work, and I don't have the enthusiasm for the story to carry out the needed re-writes. Maybe some of my recent rejects have stung a bit.

Whatever the reasons, I won't come out of this slump while my stories cozy down on the hard drive and grow fat on my constantly recharging battery. So, I've sent out all my stories but two, and those will be getting the boot by the end of this sevenday. I doubt my success will be instant, but it's sure to be higher if I keep getting back on the bronco.

I have had an imposibble time re-writing Ambition's Brother. Perhaps it's that the edits (at this point) are mostly nit-pic stuff rather than writing new scenes. Maybe it's that I'm not crazy about the story, anyway, and don't really like spending time with it. After all, I'm writing a character who hates his helplessly crippled brother to the point of almost murdering him...not the most upbeat of company to be keeping.

Then again, maybe I just would rather be building my Keela world, and re-writing Shadow Dance. In fact, most of how I've made myself work on it was by holding out my other projects as carrots I could have after this one was done. But at last it's almost through this series of edits. Then I can throw it at my readers/critiquers, and pretend for a little while that it's not my story.

I'll cross any editing bridges after that when I get to them--who knows, maybe by then I'll have fallen in love with the silly thing. Stranger things have happened.

I'm hiding from my regular blog. I know I should post pics and a bit of info on the Florida trip, but since I'm not up for that right now I'll post on the LJ here and keep hiding another day. Maybe tomorrow Tales from the Raven will get its update.

In the meantime, I have to say that I'm totally stoked about rewrites! I had a breakthrough tonight on Ambition's Brother, my scifi wotf hopeful. It's been driving me crazy because I knew which scene I needed to add in the begining, but couldn't figure out how to integrate that with the ending. Tonight it all came together.

Or, I think it did. I suppose it's yet to pass the frigid eyes of my critique group. :)

I'm also excited about the query and synopsis I'm working on for Shadow Dance. They're nowhere near ready to go out, but, for that matter, neither is the book. Writing a query now is supposed to help me tighten the focus of the book, and make sure I know my hooks, etc. It also gives me more time to re-write that oh-so-important first contact with agents. The fact that I've finally come up with a version which I don't hate, and which represents well what the book is about, is a very exciting breakthrough.

If you hear lots of electronic whooping going on over here, just remind me that I'm supposed to be hiding and I'll try to tone it down.

I'm generally a pretty big fan of history--even after all the textbooks required for my degree--but I'll admit that once in a while I come across a book of historical facts that's been dehydrated. One such was a book I got on women pirates, and She-captains. It sounds like it ought to be a riot, but the text is small and the writing style is spastic. The writer has a strong tendency to wander off subject into another realm or related story, perhaps never to return to the first tale. Also, to occasionally cut a story off short just as it got to the best parts. Anyway, I'd attempted several times to pick up this book, only to find it lulled me to sleep.

Until this weekend. I'm continuing to work on my Keela world, in which the Humans, Mer, and Meru (half-human, half-mer) deck it out and generally stir up the water. I'm supposed to be focusing on the under-world societies, but since I'll be swimming in all that--quite literally--next week when we go to Florida, I've let my focus drift (ha! couldn't help it) to the niche societies that might exist on top of the water. This led me to once again pick up my dry book of female mariners--only to find the book fascinating this time around. Lovely insights, wonderfully charming little tidbits of local color, some great looks at the whys and wherefores of piracy--the book is a pearl!

Now, if only I'd known this trick back in college. I could have created a fantasy world touching on the subject of every dry tome and thoroughly enjoyed those classes!

So, I've been doing critiques for friends, most notably Pat Esden and Becca Fitzpatrick, and what I offer seems to be productive and helpful. This prompts the question, why is it so much harder to critique my own stuff?

I know, the answer's obvious. I'm too close to the subject matter, I've been working with it so long I can't see it anymore, I only have my own perspective and therefore miss things other people might catch, I know the material so well I don't find the confusing bits confusing, etc. Any and all of the above.

The real question is, what can I do about it? Well, I've found that giving myself some space from the material really helps. It seems like anywhere from a couple months to a year may be needed, though, and that can be a long time to wait. I catch more by way of a line edit when I read the material from end to beginning. Alternatively, I can sometimes pull off pretending that I'm an editor, or that this work is someone elses. That's harder, and it can be near impossible to know if it's working.

What about you guys? Have you found a way to squeeze more out of your self-edits? I'm all ears.

The winners of the Spec the Halls contest have been anounced. Congrats to Graham Storrs for his win with Last Christmas, and Maianne Plumridge for her Honorable Mention with Wormhole Magic. Both highly entertaining stories.

Also, my thanks to the editor, Abra Staffin, for running the contest. My submission was a letter from a Communist Elf, so I was grateful to have anywhere to share it, and delighted to've been a recommended read. Thanks!

I like that title, don't you?  Especially with all the words capitalized.

Anyway, I just got back a rejection on a story that apparently I thought was there to stay.  I say apparently, because I feel more disappointment than usual...what makes it almost harder is the kind rejection letter indicates to my wishful eyes that it was a close thing.  I've been in this biz long enough I should know better than to wonder why, or even, why not?  And yet I do.

I think this one should go straight back out.  I know any edits I make would be 'rebound' choices, and just like dateing choices made under those circumstances, they'd be sure to miss the mark.  Here's crossing my fingers that Duotrope reports lots of hungry markets open for submission!

I finished the edits on Gladiator's Rest, which's now going the rounds as Food For a Gladiator, and realized that I've updated and subbed every single story on my backlist.  They're all out.

While this is a good thing, and has even included a new story been added to the sub rotation, I can't help but wonder if it was all just one big charade intended to get me out of, a) rewriting my novel, or, b) rewriting Ambition's Brother.

Since all evidence points to at least some guilt on the procrastination front, I need to decide if this was a good or bad thing.  On the one hand, I shouldn't put off writing, or I'm not much of a writer (writers are supposed to write) and may never realize my goals.  On the other hand, I'm not sure that this break was a bad thing.  I generally make better choices in my rewrites when I've had some space from the story in question, so my attempting to prematurely edit might have just been a waste of time.

*I stand in the middle, my reasons being carefully weighed and balanced between my hands.*

Okay, procrastination wins.  Firstly, because I AM actually writing, and rewriting, just not on the novel or Ambition's Brother.  Also, I've dealt with my writing process long enough that I should trust myself.  By now I should know that I always come back to a story, and I always fix it (or keep trying to fix it) no matter how long I've been away.  And, usually, my objectivity Does result in a better edit.

So now I'm pulling out two socks, and one each go into the whining, nagging mouths of the novel and Ambition's Brother.  Their turn will come.  Right now I'm temporarily done with edits and will spend my writing time for the next weeks on my upside down vampire story, on my Keela world building, and maybe even on that time travel Benjamin Franklin story that's been banging around, clamoring to get out, for simply forever.

Since finishing my novel last week (Sunday?) I've written two short stories.  Both were ideas I'd already had in my head, though the first had only been there a few days while the second had been stuck for months.  With both I had a clear idea of how the story should end before I began outlining or writing, and both of them I followed an outline throughout the writing process.  In both the characters went through a dark and potentially criminal mindset only to emerge with more positive solutions to their problems.

So why did the writing of them feel so different?  The ending of one was a dragged out affair, as often I could only get a few lines written before I had to set it aside for lack of willpower to go further.  While, the other was a quick and easy story to write, despite the subject mater, which I virtually completed in the course of one night?

I think a lot of the difference was whether I was in the right place to jive with the story.  Whether I really wanted to be telling that story right then, or if I'd missed the boat and was now swimming through the water trying to get back on.  I wanted to be writing the first story in the last week or so before finishing my novel--which, incidentally, may have added to my troubles in bringing the novel home--so while the story still held my interest when I wrote it, I wasn't fired up about it.  I also was interrupted several times in the story just when I was getting into it again, and each time I lost momentum and had a hard time regaining it.

On the other hand, with the second story I hid from interuptions, and then allowed myself to stay up writing late until the story was finished.  I wrote it really fast because I never had to stop and get back into the mode.  The story was right there in my brain, and I just had to keep up with it.  This way of writing is, for me, the fastest kind, and I often feel the most confidence in these stories.

It probably doesn't hurt that the one or two previous stories I've had like this have been well-reiceved and quickly published--that has a tendency to increase my confidence in a process.

So, how do I increase my chances of writing like the second, rather than the first?

• One thing would be to keep writing when the writing is going well, without interruptions.  While that won't always be possible, I can certainly take steps to make it more likely.
• Another thing would be to work out any plot problems before I start.  I thought I'd done that with the first story, but there were a couple of snags that slowed me down as I worked through how the scene should be handled.
• The same is true of world/character background.  It gets really hard to steam right ahead when suddenly the character is indicating that his cat is really important to him--and you never planned for a cat becuase you didn't know he was going to get attached to it.

In the past my shorts were never well-plotted, and that may have been part of why they took so long for me to write.  In one of those beautiful ironies of life, I always wrote short stories with an eye toward what they could teach me in novel writing, but it's been the careful plotting and execution of a novel that's made me feel I could someday get a handle on this short story thing.

*****

On a totally different note, today I made one of those editorial gaffes that make writers roll their eyes.  I was sending a set of interview questions to one of TSJ's authors.  I had contacted her before and we'd agreed that an rtf attachment would be the best thing, and in the email I clearly stated that she should write her answers under the questions, then send it back to me as an rtf.  And, after saying all this, I sent her a wpd attachment.

>smacks head<

My editorial hat needs to take notes from my writing hat.  Luckily the author was quick to let me know my mistake, which I rectified, but it still was a bit daffy and so easily avoided if I'd just looked over my email with a critical eye before I clicked send.  Ah, well.  Guess she'll feel an increased understanding of the writer mantra, 'editors are human, too.'

This is kind of a cheat post, since most of what I'm doing is directing you to a longer post on my regular blog titled 'What Does a Blog Do for Me as a Writer', which can be found here: http://suannewarr.com/blog/archives/582.  I discuss the whys and wherefores of blogging as a pre-professional, which I'm defining for the purposes of that post as one who doesn't make a living from their writing, nor has a book contract with a traditional publisher.  I'll let you read it if you care too, it's too late at night for me to attempt a sum-up.

In other writing news I'll probably finish my short story, A Fool and His Money, this weekend.  I'm a little concerned about the length--it will quite likely break the 6,000 word mark--which cuts out a lot of markets.  Considering that my previous stories have either been, as a general rule, flash or of a very reasonable length, I'm thinking that novel writing has made me long-winded.

I suppose I can just see where it winds up after edits, then sub accordingly.  There's always the definite possibility that after sending it around for several months or a year that I'll be more cold-hearted and willing to cut.  Funny how as the darlings grow up they're easier to trim.

So, the first draft of Shadow Dance is done.  Yay!  But since that was several house ago (in the wee hours of the morning, in fact) my thoughts are moving on.

First off, I'm curious as to why my chapter lengths throughout the draft were genenerally pretty consistent.  I wasn't holding myself to a firm rule as to how long each chapter should be, but aside from a couple outliers which I'll get to in a minute, I would just find myself thinking, 'Okay, that'll about do it.'  or 'yep, that's where this one should leave off', and that happened to come at about the same word count from one chapter to the next.  I wonder if all the reading of novels I've done has pre-programed me to write chapters of aprox. the same length one to another?

The exception to this was my last few chaptes.  I went from an average of 4,000-4,500 words each chapter to steadily shorter chapters as I wound the novel down.  I didn't do this on purpose, but I wonder if I was once again responding to an instinct that said the chapters should more along faster, just as the action was building to the climax.

I guess I'm mostly curious if future novels will be like this.  The last time I wrote in the novel length was over ten years ago and I wasn't paying much attention, nor terribly professional about any of it, so I haven't a clue of what was the same or different.

One thing that's been true for me almost across the board in my writing, and I think is true for many other people, is that if the piece has any length to it at all, I'll have to go back and re-write the beginning once I've found the end.  I suppose this is quite normal, given all the potential paths a novel can go down as it progresses, but I find it amusing because it's also hard not to obsess over the beginning when one is first starting a new project.  Just one of those human vagaries, I suppose.

I've been kind of coaching myself to let the silly shine in my novel.  I know the funny's in there--after all, I'm the gal who had to explain, as she wiggled her first broken bone under her concerned mother's nose, that said bone breakage was aquired in a food fight and involved smashed bananas.

But it's not always easy to write humor into a novel. Some of that may be the desire to be respectable, as Jim Hines discusses in his PW article http://www.publishersweekly.com/blog/400000640/post/240036024.html, but some of it is the fear of falling flat.  Of just managing to be stupid.  Perhaps we have vague recollections of the first knock knock joke we tried to share, but only succeeded in fubbing up.

When I feel myself shivering with those fears, I remind myself that humor really is important to a story.  I can never read of Sam's line in LOTR as he wacks an orc with a frying pan and anounces, "I think I'm getting the hang of this" without feeling a surge of love and laughter.  Dear old Sam.  Would we love him so much if he hadn't been there to help Frodo see the light?  And didn't he do that, in part, be remaining real?  Someone we could laugh with?

Tolkien, for me, is the ultimate inspiration in writing.  So if he saw the worth of humor (and need I even mention Merry and Pippin?) than surely I can find a place for it in my books, too.

I've decided to lower the word account goal on my WIP from 90,000 to 60,000, cutting out almost a third of what I'd outlined for the book.

I could pretend that I'd researched carefully and found that a shorter novel has a better chance in the YA market, but while that's probably true, it's not my real reason for cutting the word count.  I could also argue that I'd looked over my plot with a discerning eye and concluded that the portion filling up the last third of the book lacked intensity and a sense of urgency.  That would also be a valid point, but it's not why I'm dropping my word count.

The truth is, I'm dropping my word count because it doesn't feel right to drag the book out.  My characters were rushing things, the plot twists I'd thrown in felt like tangents.  The story wanted to move into high gear and race to the finish.

So, the question is, am I acting on that urge to move on from undisciplined boredom, or from some wise writerly instinct?

The truth is, I don't know.  But I've decided that it also doesn't matter.  The book will be long enough, and making it longer would probably bore the reader almost as much as it does me.  And one thing I do know as a writer is don't bore the reader!

I've been catching up on the slush for The Sigurd Journal.  Now, before I go on, let me say that in the normal course of events we do not laugh over the tsj submissions unless the author intended them to be a humor piece.  However...

There was a submission, which I will avoid describing, which had brought a couple of 'huh?' responses from my fellow editors.  Needless to say, the writer had not been successful in reaching us with his intended message.  But for whatever reason, our puzzled feelings juxtaposed against the submitting writer's do doubt lofty ideals of the essence of art struck me as funny.

When I was still laughing maybe three or four minutes later, and seeing unintended humor in every piece submitted, I knew it was time to quit.  If reading from the slush pile is fun I must be doing something wrong.

I just got a rejection letter on Tiger Goddess, but I'm actually feeling chipper.  It probably helps that I just always expect a rejection when I see an email from an editor in my inbox, but this letter was so warm and fuzzy it really had no sting.

He professed to really like the story, and listed several bits in particular that he enjoyed.  He seemed to really regret that it wasn't a good fit for his mag, and even suggested an alternative pub that I should try.  It was long, it was personal, it was thoughtful.

Ah, the warmth.  Let me just bask in it a moment.  Then I'll get back to subbing, in the hopes of receiving another such rejection letter.

Who knows, I might even get an acceptance on this story one of these months.